Are you really successful?

I had lunch with my wife last week. That's a big deal to me. She normally works during the day, but this week she is working at night, so she came downtown and had lunch with me. We enjoyed a nice hour together, eating lunch, talking, and enjoying our conversation. In the 6 years I've worked in downtown Milwaukee, I think I've had lunch with her 7 or 8 times maximum.

I let her know how much I appreciate her commitment to me, and to us, and to my success, and then we realized something: Are we, am I, really successful, if the one relationship I value the most gets the least amount of attention from me? I mean, in 6 years, there have been probably 1000 lunches, and yet she's gotten less than .01% of my lunch time?

So right then and there, we did a full time audit of the last month for me. As you might expect, work was #1 on my list for most attention from me, followed by e-mail, surfing the Internet for articles to write about, working on my speaking and writing business, church and church matters, extra-curriculars, my family, my wife and then God. Nearly exactly the opposite of where I want to be to call myself a success. I am not really successful, I'm kidding myself. I'm nearly completely out of alignment with my values and my true priorities.

What am I doing about it? What can you do about it?

First, take 15 minutes and write down what you say your values are. I'm guessing your list will be things like work, family, stuff like that. Rank them 1 to whatever.

Next, do a T2 audit. Print out your calendar (time) for the past month, and your checking account register (treasure). Group things together to see where you are really spending your time and your treasure.

The last step is the most critical: Change your calendar. Put your #1 priority on the calendar at least 2 more days this month. Yes, I know we're nearing the end of the month, but right now, add 2 more repetitions to whatever you already have planned for your #1 priority. And add 1 more for your #2 priority. Repeat often, at least until you are as successful, REALLY successful, as you want to be.

Comments

[Steve Roesler]

Thanks for the wonderful and honest story, Phil. It is SO easy to be busy doing what we believe is creating success for ourselves and our families. Stopping to take stock of the reality of how we spend our time can tell us where our treasure--and therefore our heart--really is. As one who has to do an audit all-too-often, your suggestions would be well-taken by all.

Last week my wife and I had a wedding anniversary. After looking at my travel, speaking, and consulting schedule I realized that I had earned more than enough while away from home to buy a materially valuable gift. We talked about how much we already had. One more "thing" would mean nothing.

You know what?

I shut off the office phone, never booted the computer, and we went out for the entire day. Together. In the middle of the week. Had lunch. Walked around. Had dinner with friends from church. In total, spent 13 uninterrupted hours together.

Priceless.

Making It Great means making the main thing the main thing.

Thanks for taking time to point us toward an audit of our main thing!

[BookTestOnline.com / Elizabeth G.]

..............................................
Thanks for the great list ideas.
Recently, started a list last week.
I have found some interesting things
from reading your blog posts.

Also, thanks for your comments on my
blog. Tried to work on adding a few
features to my blog over the weekend.
Elizabeth G.
..............................................

[Phil Gerbyshak]

Steve - thanks for sharing YOUR story. You're absolutely right. It is all about the MAIN THING, and we too often forget it. My grandmother just passed and I am again challenged to refocus and re-channel my energy towards what's REALLY important. The 6 hours I'll be spending with my wife in the car and the 12-20 hours I'll spend with family the next few days will be priceless.

Elizabeth - Glad you've enjoyed looking around here. Hope you'll continue to stop by and let me know how I can help you make it great!

[karen]

Thanks for sharing such an insight.

Very often we neglect the good and simple things in our life. We often take them for granted, thinking they will still be there when we turn back.

That is why practicing gratitude for the things we already have in life is so important. It shifts your whole focus from aprreciate what we have currently instead of focusing on what we do not have

We post a blog on teaching how to give gratitude in your life:

http://secretofunlimitedprosperity.com/54/9-secret-steps-to-life-transformation-a-technique-to-give-gratitude/

Enhjoy!

[Carolyn Manning]

Apparently, Phil, you also live in one of those places where days are limited to 24 hours. That time constraint (annoying though it be) can be a good teacher if we get a little chummier with it. In fifteen minutes, we can come up with about fifteen days worth of work, yet we keep piling it on. Ya know what else? Most of us have a tendency to operate our days as if we're "The Producers", selling far too many shares of our twenty four.

By the way, love the new site.

[Phil Gerbyshak]

Karen - Gratitude for what we've got, instead of what we don't. EXCELLENT reminder! Thank you!

Carolyn - Yep, still living in the 24! Selling too many shares, just like the Producers. Now that's something I hadn't thought of, but you are so right, and that's such a great visual. Thanks for sharing it!

[Ellen]

Thanks for sharing us your thoughts about success. I haven't looked at it that way and it's good that you mentioned it. Maybe I should try it out.

[KermitFan]

Phil, I think that you're selling yourself a little short. You are very successful... but you're /human/ (as we all are, I think), and you want more. That's natural.

Also, you said that you spend time with God last. Don't underestimate this one: God is in everything, this I'm sure of. God's everywhere and is walking with you, so rest easy. (On the other hand, there's always more time to commune with God, so I respect that you want to do that more too!)

Bottom line: keep up the good work, you're doing great things with your life and in the lives of others... that's what keeps us coming back to your blog and into community with you!

[Barb]

I agree with Kermitfan. You are doing fine. And it's normal for us humans to make mistakes and have unlimited wants. However, we still need to strive in order to be successful.

[Phil Gerbyshak]

Ellen - it is a new way of looking at things. I hope it provides you with a fresh lens to see new things through.

KermitFan - God isn't meant to be last in my life. I'm working towards focusing on Him more. It was eye opening to see that though.

And thanks for the encouragement. I *am* human, and I do all I can with what I've got. Thanks for appreciating that!

Barb - you are so right, and yes, I will keep striving. Sometimes though, I just need to slow down and re-evaluate things. This post helped me do that.

[Joan Schramm]

Very insightful. I know that my actions don't always support my intentions and you've given me an excellent way to start chipping away at that. Thanks!

[Phil Gerbyshak]

Joan - you are very welcome! Thanks for stopping by! Happy chipping!

[Sandy Renshaw]

Hi Phil,

Love this post. Great reminder to take stock of how I use my allotment of time... One of the things that had to go recently for me was the amount of time I was spending reading all the great blogs! I miss my friends, and have found their insight is just as valuable a month or two later. Case in point, your post.

Thanks for sharing.
Sandy

[Phil Gerbyshak]

Thanks Sandy! I'm so glad you enjoyed this post. It is important to remember that you have just as much, or as little, time as each person in your world. The question is, are you investing your time or are you spending it?

[Thiru]

Thats a wonderful tip. Writing a list has always worked for me - in managing money.