Make It Great! with Phil Gerbyshak

How to Take out Your Head Trash

by Noah St. John, Author of The Secret Code of Success

NOTE from Phil: I got this as a guest article for a book I’ll be reviewing soon. I thought this article was particularly touching for where my head is right now. I hope you enjoy it too.

You’re standing on a gold mine. You know that treasure is buried in there somewhere. So you start digging away… with a teaspoon. How long is THAT going to take you?

Many smart, talented, motivated people are digging for gold using a teaspoon. Yet, if they’d look closely, a beautiful new backhoe sits untouched right under their noses.

You can’t get to your inner “gold” without using the right tool. Ironically, the #1 thing that keeps most of us from our buried treasure is OUR OWN HEAD TRASH, which says things like, “I can’t do it… I’ll never make it… I’m not smart enough… I’m not enough.”

If you want to unearth the treasure buried within you, try this exercise called “Excavating and Evicting Your Negative Reflection.” Your Negative Reflection is like looking in a funhouse mirror to see what you look like. A funhouse mirror distorts your image and causes your head trash. So the first thing we need to do to get your foot off the brake is to excavate your Negative Reflection – get it out in the open – and then evict it – tell it to take a hike.

Take out a sheet of paper and draw two columns: your Negative Reflection on one side and your Authentic Self on the other. First, write your Negative Reflection. What is your head trash saying to you?

Maybe it’s been telling you, “You can’t do it. You’ll never make it. You’re a a phony, and nobody likes you.” Whatever it is, just write it down.

Once you’ve done that, get quiet and listen. Just listen to Who You Really Are. Now, write a statement from your Authentic Self.

Your Authentic Self is Who You Really Are, not the bully in your head. That Negative Reflection is just a bully who’s been living in your head. Your Authentic Self is that still, small voice within that might say, “I am good enough because I bring Value into people’s lives, and I enjoy doing that. I CAN succeed at whatever I put the work into.”

For example, one of my Students wrote:

Negative Reflection

I am not smart enough to be successful. My ADD keeps me from being able to focus, and therefore being able to attain success.

Authentic Self

I am in the top 2% of intelligent people in this world (how many times do I have to be hit in the head to get this?), and if anyone is smart enough to be successful, it’s me. I have proven through previous work that I have the ability to be focused and remain on task for long periods of time.

When you’re done with both columns, answer these questions:

1. Who will I share this information with?

2. When will I share it with them?

3. How will doing that help me gain correct perspective?

4. What are specific examples where the Negative Reflection is WRONG?

Notice that we’re killing your head trash with facts and data. For example, my Negative Reflection might say, “Nobody likes having me around.” But I could realize, “Wait a minute. Plenty of people like me. I just got off the phone with five different people who enjoyed talking to me!” So when that Negative Reflection comes back, you obliterate it with the truth.

You simply say to your Negative Reflection, “You’re wrong. That’s a lie.” Combat it with facts, data and information and by getting it out in the open, out of the darkness – and that’s when you can start to mine that treasure that’s buried right inside you.

Copyrighted material courtesy of Harper Collins.

About the Author

Noah St. John, Ph.D. is Founder and CEO of www.SuccessClinic.com and author of The Secret Code of Success: 7 Hidden Steps to More Wealth and Happiness (Collins). www.SecretCodeBook.com

5 Ways to Make a Positive Attitude

Happy Positive Thinking Day!

In honor of PTD, I’d like to offer my favorite 5 tips on how YOU can have a positive attitude.

Reframe the situation. No matter how dire the situation is, unless you’re dead, it could always be worse. Trust me. This year, I’ve hit bottom in a lot of my life. Over half my team turned over. I’ve worked REALLY long hours. My best friend moved away. My bank account has been near zero. I gained 20 more pounds. 

I’ve had to reframe most of my life.

I have new ideas from all my new people.

I learned a lot during the long hours.

I still talk to my best friend.

My bank account is slowly growing.

I’m doing a duathalon tomorrow to jump start my exercise program.

All depends on how I look at it.

It all depends on how YOU look at it.

Count your blessings. I have a lot to be thankful for. You probably do too. Write the blessings down. Understand your abundance and be thankful for it.

Give thanks to those who’ve helped you. Few people are self-made anymore, but few know how big of an impact they’ve had on your life. Give them a call, and say thanks. Or send a hand-written thank you note. Nobody does that anymore.

Read or listen to something that makes you smile. Re-read a favorite book or article. Listen to some fun music. Maybe it’s the sound of a baby, or the sound of your brother. Call someone who’ll make you smile.

Smile or make a silly face for no reason. Start small, and just smile. It won’t hurt anything. Just smile big and wide!

Thanks Chris Brogan for capturing this action shot.

How can you get happy?

Maybe you should contribute to Positive Thinking Day today?

Positive Thinking Day 2008

Positive Thinking Day (PTD) 08 is September 13th!  We are planning for a bigger and better event this year!  The 3 main purposes of PTD are to make the world more positive, find the most positive person, and to raise money for the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation.   We hope that you will join us to change the world... one thought at a time!

COME CELEBRATE WITH US AND HELP US RAISE MONEY TO CURE SPINAL CORD INJURY:

Positive Thinking Day - September 13th - is a day to celebrate the benefits of positive thinking.  We believe that by helping people change their thoughts we can make a lasting and positive difference in this world.  We hope you will join us in this effort (see list below for ways to participate).

We are also raising money for the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation as part of the celebrations.  According to Positive Thinking Day organizer, Dr. Harrell, “Christopher Reeve represented the best of positive thinking. It is because of his unwavering positive attitude that we are proud to be raising money to benefit this foundation.  He showed me that we really can choose a positive mindset no matter what the circumstances are.  For that I will always be grateful.”

30% of the ipopin.com proceeds from Positive Thinking Day events will go to the Reeve Foundation. The Foundation is dedicated to curing spinal cord injury by funding innovative research, and improving the quality of life for people living with paralysis through grants, information and advocacy.

WAYS YOU CAN GET INVOLVED WITH POSITIVE THINKING DAY:

**Affirmation - You can help us change the world by focusing on the following affirmation on Positive Thinking Day - I choose to create a great day! (Click here to download this ipopin one minute affirmation for free!)

**Raise $ - When you make a purchase at www.ipopin.com between September 6-13, 2008, 30% your purchase price will be donated to the Reeve Foundation!  That's right, ipopin.com will donate 30% of proceeds to the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation!

**Pariticipate - Share a tip for staying positive by emailing me between now and 9/1/08 and you will be entered in a drawing to win 3 ipopin CD's.  Your tip may be selected to appear in a post on this site.

**Spread the word - Help us spread the word by adding the PTD logo link on your website or blog AND mention PTD in a post between Sept 1-6, 2008.  Email me once you do so that I can add a link to you in our PTD Supporter section.  You will be entered in a drawing to win 3 ipopin CD's.

**Nominate - You can nominate someone for our Most Positive Person Contest.

No Complaining Rule: Book Recommendation

One of the most impactful books I've read in a while is Jon Gordon's The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work. It's impactful because it offers practical tips on how you can shake yourself and your team free from the negativity that grips you. Try as I might to always remain positive, I still need a booster shot now and then. This great book offered more than 1 booster shot, and I can't recommend it for you and your team strongly enough.

Gordon writes this book in a fable form, so it's not completely factual, but it is based on an actual company that implemented this rule. Because the book is written in fable form, it is incredibly easy to read and understand. It's also incredibly practical and easy to relate to.

My favorite part of the book is the 5 things that we can do instead of complaining.

The 5 things you can do instead of complain:

1) Practice Gratitude
2) Praise Others
3) Focus on Success
4) Let Go
5) Pray and Meditate.

Jon offers this tool, and many more including fun videos to introduce your team to this book, at http://www.jongordon.com/thenocomplainingruletools.html.

Buy a copy of The No Complaining Rule TODAY! Heck, buy a copy for everyone on your team and start a complaint free revolution!

10 Ways to a Happier Life

In a recent edition of Matter on Fact, there was a great article by French psychiatrist, Christophe Andre, aka Professor Happiness, offering 6 lessons for a happier life.

1. Accept the fact that there will be unpleasant things in life. All the time, very day, you'll face hindrances: You'll be too late or make a mistake or say something stupid. It's the rent you pay to live in the house of life. It's part of life. There's no point in being disappointed when things don't go your way.

2. Open your eyes and look around. There are more opportunities for happiness than you think, certainly for a Westerner in 2008. Embrace the moments. Try to remember them. Enjoy them.

3. Take time out. The ability to pause, mentally as well as in your actions is important. Taking breaks is a prerequisite for experiencing happiness.

4. Pay attention to your family and friends. Social ties are important for happiness. Don't let a day go by without thinking of, or seeing, someone you love.

5. Try to get in touch with nature every day. Take a walk and spend a few minutes looking at nature.

6. Express your gratitude and respect for the good things you experience. Being thankful makes you happy and increases the chance of social connection.

I think these are all VERY great ideas to be happier, and I thought I'd add my 4 more tips to give you a total of 10.

10 Ways to a Happier Life

7. Smile often. I've found that the more (and the longer) I smile, the better I feel. When I'm having a super crappy day, I'll force myself to smile for a full 15 seconds, and most of the time, I'll feel a little better. Try smiling for 15 seconds the next time you're having a bad day, and see what happens.

8. Recognize that the only thing you can control is your response to whatever happens to you. Life happens. All the time. Whether you like it or not, it does. And you can't control the bozo who cut you off on the freeway. He's going to be a bozo regardless of if you flip him off or tailgate him or try to get his attention. The woman who has 13 items in the 12 item express lane doesn't care that you're scowling at her, and mumbling under your breath about how pathetic it is she can't count to 12. She just wants to get out of that grocery store as fast as you do. Take a deep breath and choose your response. If you think about it, and you STILL feel the need to flip someone off or say something rude, so be it. Just remember that you are the only person who cares how YOU feel.

9. Read something every day that makes you happy. Do you have a secret stash of favorite books, articles, or magazines that always make you smile? If not, start today by printing out this article, and start your happiness library today. Some of my favorite happy article places include Guideposts magazine, Chief Happiness Officer,  or surf over to any of the blogs in the Positive Blog Network, of which Make It Great! is a part of.

10. Talk to someone you know that can make you smile. Do you have a special friend or family member who always has a great attitude, or that can make you smile just by thinking about them, a favorite coffee shop whose barista is always in a fabulous mood, or even someone whose voice mail is so powerful that it gives you a chuckle when you call it? Do whatever it takes to connect with that special someone right away.

What are YOUR favorite ways to a happier life? Please share them below. I'll share all the best responses you share in the comments at the end of the week.

Photo from LugoLounge

Focusing on Not Focusing: 5 for Friday

This week's 5 for Friday brings articles on branding, freelancing, tools, and the pitfalls of positive thinking.

Enjoy!

Pamela Slim gives us some great branding advice for the multi-talented

I have spent many hours on the phone and in online forums pleading with multi-talented people to narrow their focus.

She also mentions an amazing article she wrote for the NY Times blog that you MUST READ

Next up, Seth Godin shares about The Caricature of your Brand

Worse than avoiding the negative, though, is the tendency for most organizations to resist creating a brand that can be caricatured. It doesn't feel safe or responsible or prudent. Coloring inside the lines and pleasing most of your customers most of the time almost guarantees you'll be bland.

Leo Baubata shares Why Giving Away Your Services For Free Will Get You Business

...if you can give away your advice … which is really a service … and not charge a dime, that’s a great strategy. If your advice is good, giving it away can result in amazing growth and lots of new business.

Next is 7 Must-Have Sales Tools (You don't have to be in sales to use them)

Here’s a quick roundup of seven of our favorite sales productivity solutions you’re probably not using today.

Taking us home, is Nneka who shares with us the 5 Pitfalls of Positive Thinking

With all the information on this site about staying in the moment and slowing yourself down so that you can be present, I fear I’m presenting a one-sided view to what it takes to live a happy, whole, balanced life. You see, positive thinking is about a lot more than just thinking. It occurred to me that I should provide a disclaimer so to speak for the whole thing.

5 great posts for this fantastic Friday! I hope you enjoy them.

PS: Rosa Say posted a wonderful post that you can use to Learn to Build Your Personal Brand. She used me as her example, and I am humbled by her words. I learned a lot from the article, and I think you can too.

Thank Goodness It's Monday!

Benjamin Bach is guest blogging for Phil today

Endless Possibilities.  Monday morning brings endless possibilities.  For the day, for the week, for the rest of your life. 

What actions are you taking today to Make it Great! today ?  What are you doing to ensure a remarkable week?

Benjamin Bach is a speaker, writer, Relationship Geek and wealth building Real Estate agent in Kitchener Waterloo, Ontario, Canada.  He wakes up every morning excited to fulfil his purpose of building wealth and contributing value for his friends, family and clients.

Benjamin would love to hear from you - please write him at Benjamin AT benjaminbach DOT com.

You can find his blog at http://www.kitchener-waterloo-real-estate-investments.com/

Do Something Remarkable… Pass it On…

Erin Blaskie is guest writing for Phil today.

What have you done lately that has been remarkable? What have you done that has made someone feel really good about themselves, about you, about their current situation…? What can you feel really good about this week or next?

I find myself living in a place of gratitude all of the time. Every day I wake up and look at my husband and my two dogs (who share our bed… we need a bigger bed!) and I smile. I feel great putting my feet to the floor knowing that the day will be filled with to-do lists being checked off, good conversation, laughter and whatever else happens to come across my path.

The difference in my life is that each and every day I refuse to start the day off on the wrong foot. If I’m feeling frustrated before even getting out of bed, I remind myself that it’s minor (my dog licking my face non-stop) and that it does not matter in the grand scheme of life. When I do get up, I constantly look for ways to improve the lives of those around me. Some of the things I do whenever I can:

Give my shopping cart to someone else…

Now, before you think “How is that being remarkable?”, we have a grocery store in town called No Frills and they do business in a really neat way. You bag your own groceries, etc. to keep costs low.

One thing they do is they have quarter slots in their shopping carts that you use to get your cart out and when you return it to a cart hut or to the store, you get your quarter back. It helps to keep the carts out of the parking lots.

Whenever I shop there and I’m done emptying my groceries, I look for someone to give my cart to. Most people offer the quarter but I don’t take it. It makes people feel good! It doesn’t need to have a high value…. The little things matter most.

I send info-products to those people who I think would benefit from them… free of charge.

Yes, I honestly do this. I don’t do it everyday but when someone mentions that they might like to read what I have or might purchase it when their cashflow increases, I send it to them. I don’t ask for anything in return or expect a favor back, I just do it. Business for me is not always about the bottom line and sucking money from everyone I meet. Instead, I believe that part of it is sharing information and helping one another to build strong businesses.

Compliment people regularly and have compassion for people…

When I am in a situation where I notice someone might be having a bad day or they need some understanding, I reach out and give it. If I see someone has put extra effort into their outfit or their hairstyle, I let them know that I think it’s nice! I’m not shy about giving compliments and I don’t look for one in return. I think that when people feel recognized, noticed and appreciated, they’ll pass on the same feelings to someone else.

I think a key to life relationships is investing more in others than you do in yourself. Look for the opportunity each and everyday to help someone out. Whether it’s giving an extra 1/2 hour on a paid coaching session, giving your assistant an unexpected raise, sending a thank you note for a referral or just waking up and saying “I love you” to your partner, I think you’ll notice that you’ll get back so much that is rewarding and fulfilling.

Live your life and be remarkable. It doesn’t have to be the big things… Every little thing you do to change someone’s day or life goes a long way.

[Erin Blaskie is a virtual assistant and the owner of Business Services, ETC. Erin supports business owners with their daily operations - helping them free up their time so they can get back to doing the ‘life’ stuff or focus on the revenue generating items. Feel free to contact her via her website at http://www.bsetc.ca or at info@bsetc.ca. If you'd like to use this article from Erin, please do, just include the article, and this byline, in it's entirety.]

Faking Until You Make It Doesn't Always Make it Great

Stephen Hopson is guest blogging for Phil today.

Today's post is going to be a little different because it is in the form of a short story with a lesson behind it.  It was one of my most embarrassing moments that was caused by an unwillingness to ask people to repeat after themselves, especially if I wasn’t sure of what they were saying. As a young man with a hearing impairment, my ego had me think I was something of a “lip-reading expert.”

Sometime during the late eighties, I was at a midnight birthday party on the Upper West Side in Manhattan.  I could tell the music was at full blast because each of the four strategically-placed stereo speakers appeared to be alive with a giant pulsating heart. The party was just starting to warm up, thanks to a few people who had the nerve to herk and jerk their hips like Elaine from Seinfeld:

There I was, standing at the bar, holding a glass of white wine and surveying the crowd, hoping for a place to fit in somewhere. Within a few minutes, I spied a group of articulate-looking people chatting incessantly with the birthday boy across the room. They appeared to be passing jokes back and forth.

“Hmmm…this looks promising,” I thought to myself. Taking a deep breath, I promptly made my way over to join them.

Imagine my shock when I discovered they were babbling away 500 miles an hour, like that guy from the famous Federal Express TV commercials.  Remember those? 

Not wanting to slink away so soon and possibly draw attention to myself, I stood there, pretending to understand every word they were saying. Sipping my cocktail, I nodded, winked and laughed at all the right moments.  I was an expert at this sort of stuff. 

But like a Cheshire cat poised to pounce on its prey, I waited for the birthday boy to say something, ANYTHING, that remotely resembled English so that I could at least have something to respond to.  Lucklily, I didn't have to wait long.

“I’m going to buy some condos downtown……..," said the drunken birthday boy.

AH! I GOTCHA!

Springing into action, I brazenly cut him off and practically screamed, “YES, I know where to go for that. Have you heard of a cute little shop downtown called ‘Condoms Around the World’?’ You gotta go check it out!!” 

I stood there, with a big, proud smile on my face, blissfully unaware that someone had just turned down the stereo moments before!   

A look of surprise immediately registered on everybody's faces. Then as if someone flicked on the switch, they degenerated into a cacophony of hoots, cackles, and wails, holding on to their stomachs for dear life. Some were repeatedly banging on the coffee table in a desperate attempt to catch their breath while others were giving each other high fives.

Shocked and confused that I could be so profoundly funny over such an innocent comment, but not wanting to be left out, I joined in the chorus of laughter.

My best friend, who happened to be within arm’s length, knew better than to think I understood what had just happened. He decided to be rather unhelpful.

Instead of grabbing my arm and towing me to the other room where we could talk privately, he waved at me to get my attention and then said rather loudly, “Hey, that wasn’t what the birthday boy said. The dude was talking about condos not condoms!!!”

Never before did I hope that a spaceship would magically float down and beam me out of there! 

Food for thought: Bluffing your way through life doesn't always make it great!

Stephen J. Hopson is a former award-winning Wall Street stockbroker turned motivational speaker, author and the first deaf pilot in the world (yes, you read that right) to earn an instrument rating in 2006.  This is a rating that allows him to fly as pilot in command through "bad" weather where radio use is actually required (how?? - email him at stephen(at)sjhopson(dot) and he'll tell you!).  He just moved his "Adversity University" blog from Blogger to Wordpress at www.adversityuniversityblog.com     If you'd like to see him in action as a speaker, you could visit his professional speaking website at www.sjhopson.com

20 Ways of Looking at Life from a Different Perspective

Stephen J. Hopson is guest blogging for Phil today.

A few days ago, Phil put out a request for guest bloggers so that he could take a month off and focus on a million other things on his plate.  He's done so much for me and reached out when I was just getting started as a blogger a little over a year ago.  So when he put out an "all-points bulletin" asking for guest bloggers, I jumped at the chance.  And here I am.  I'm thrilled to be here! 

By way of introducing myself to you, I thought I would start by sharing different ways I perceive life because I've learned that it's not what happens to you that really matters but what you do about it.  You see, I was born profoundly deaf, putting me in a interesting position of dealing with a multitude of different people, places and circumstances along the way. 

This is what I've learned so far:   

1. It’s not what happens to you but how you perceive it that determines how you will deal with the situation.

2. Behind every difficult person you meet, there’s a lesson to be learned. 

3. Instead of saying, “Why is this happening to me, you say, “What can I learn from this?”

4. Trust that everything in life is temporary and that going through different cycles is part of the process. Translation: Life will get better if you just have enough faith to get through this one.

5. We all have a divine blueprint for our lives - there is a such a thing as destiny and it’s up to us to discover what it is through our innermost passions.

6. The power of visualization cannot be ignored - it actually works! Don’t say it doesn’t work until you’ve tried it in earnest. Have you truly visualized yourself having or doing something?

7. God is your partner in life, let Him in and let him co-create things with you.

8. Without adversity or life’s challenges, we would never know what we are truly made of. It is through the toughest times we learn what we’re capable of doing; thereby becoming stronger and more confident in the process.

9. Everything you’ve experienced in life has been in preparation for what’s to come later in life. In fact, you are “life’s perpetual trainee.”

10. Learn to trust and pay attention to your intuition — those “AHA” moments — they are often right on the nose.

11. There are no accidents. Everyone you meet, everything that has come your way was not an some random fluke.  Like my fifth grade teacher who forever changed my life with three words, THAT'S RIGHT, STEPHEN!

12. Plan on making a fool of yourself and not take life or yourself so seriously - even God has a sense of humor. (i.e. Tell him your plans!)

13. Go crazy and send handwritten thank you notes to those who have helped you. Gratitude and positive energy attracts success, abundance and more of what you’re thankful for.

14. Be patient - you will be rewarded justly. Dont’t bother seeking revenge - it isn’t worth it.

15. Know that you are making a difference in small and large ways by just being who you are.

16. Refuse to compromise your integrity. People can see right through you and can detect whether you’re genuine or not. If you truly care about your customers, friends, family or business associates, they’ll stick with you through high and low because they know you care about them. In other words, they don’t care what you know until they know you care about them.

17. Fear is misdirected energy and must be redirected into faith.

18. Refuse to compare your progress with others. It will only serve to destroy your confidence. Everyone is at different stages in their lives and if you understand that you’re right where you’re supposed to be, then it won’t matter what others are doing. You are unique with special qualities, talents, skills and thought processes, etc. There is no one like you so how can you compare yourself to others?

19. If you haven’t failed enough in life, you haven’t risked much. Life without taking adventurous risks is downright dangerous.

20. Understand that you do matter - there is a purpose to your life - find out what it is and use your gifts to make a difference.

Food for thought: The list can go on but these are some of the impactful thoughts that have helped me through life’s toughest moments. Can you come up with a list of your own thoughts?

Stephen J. Hopson is a former award-winning Wall Street stockbroker turned motivational speaker, author and the first deaf pilot in the world (yes, you read that right) to earn an instrument rating in 2006.  This is a rating that allows him to fly as pilot in command through "bad" weather where radio use is actually required (how?? - email him at stephen(at)sjhopson(dot) and he'll tell you!).  He just moved his "Adversity University" blog from Blogger to Wordpress at www.adversityuniversityblog.com     If you'd like to see him in action as a speaker, you could visit his professional speaking website at www.sjhopson.com